


makes your heart hurt (i'm only human)

by kihyuks



Series: monsta x bingo winter 2018 [3]
Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Enemies to Lovers, M/M, Monsta X Bingo, Roommates
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-03-29
Updated: 2018-03-29
Packaged: 2019-04-14 14:11:06
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 8,753
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/14137677
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kihyuks/pseuds/kihyuks
Summary: kihyun's in his last year of university and looking forward to finally getting his degree. he doesn't expect his new roommate to be the person who hates him most in the world, lee minhyuk.





	makes your heart hurt (i'm only human)

**Author's Note:**

> for the **enemies** square.
> 
>  
> 
>  
> 
> title is from day6's habits.

Kihyun was excited for his final year in university. He’d worked hard through all of his previous years and as fun as it had been to relax and have a break over the summer he was ready to get back to working hard and being productive. He enjoyed the feeling of getting things done. Even though university could suck sometimes, it was worth it in the end.

As he was in his final year, he decided he wanted to live as close to campus as possible so he could make the most of his time without having to travel long distances. His university had some shared rooms on campus only available for students in their final years so he’d signed up for one. Having to get used to living with a roommate again after living alone the year previous was a little daunting, but Kihyun didn’t think whoever it was could be worse than his roommate from his first year.

He’d barely ever gotten a good nights sleep as his roommate always came home at ridiculous times in the morning and woke Kihyun up. He also was never able to study in his room as his roommate always seemed to have friends over so he’d ended up basically living in the library for the whole of his first year. Kihyun had never been more glad than when his first year ended and he was able to finally move out and live alone where no one could disturb him.

His accommodation for his second year had been a fair distance from campus - he had to get the bus every day - but he’d enjoyed living there and being able to not only study in his room without the worry of being interrupted but also the fact that he was able to sleep through the night without being woken up made it all worth it.

The commuting had been the only downside and that was why Kihyun was now standing outside of his new flat right on campus. He wasn’t sure if his roommate was already in the room or not which was why he was standing dumbly outside the door, too nervous to go in. He hadn’t been told who his roommate would be so he was scared to meet them. He knew they had to be in their final year but there were so many students in his university he doubted he’d even know who they were if he was given a name.

It unfortunately wasn’t any of his friends. Hyungwon was also going into the final year flats but Kihyun had already asked what his room number was to check and they were in different rooms. The rest of his friends were all staying in other accommodation.

Finally plucking up his courage, Kihyun unlocked the door. He peeked inside only to find the room completely empty. He sighed in relief as this meant he could pick which side of the room he preferred rather than having it chosen for him.

He grabbed his bags and hauled them into the room, dumping them on the bed on the right side. Their kitchen was on the left and the bathroom was on the right so both were good options but he figured being closer to the bathroom was always the better choice.

The beds were both double beds which he was thankful for - he wasn’t a fan of sleeping in single beds they always felt too cramped - and the desks were both a decent size. The desks were lined up against the back wall next to one another. His closet was at the foot of his bed (same for his roommate’s) and it was a decent enough size for him to fit all of his clothes in with some extra storage space for anything he wanted to keep but not necessarily have out in the room.

Kihyun decided to go look around the kitchen next. Although it wasn’t the biggest kitchen he’d ever seen there was a decent amount of counter space and a four-seat table. There were also lots of cupboards which he appreciated. He hadn’t enjoyed trying to fit everything he owned into one cupboard at his first year accommodation where he shared a kitchen with seven other people.

The bathroom was also not the biggest but they did have a bath which he thought was interesting. He’d been used to only being able to take showers for so long he’d almost forgotten what having a bath was like.

After checking out his new flat, Kihyun decided he should start putting some of his stuff away. He wanted to relax for a while but he knew that if he did then he’d end up living out of his suitcase for weeks out of laziness. Also, it would be easier to start getting his stuff put away before his roommate turned up as he assumed he’d at least have to try and get to know whoever it is and discuss any ‘rules’ they had.

He started with his clothes first, hanging up most of the items and putting things like his trousers onto the shelves in his closet instead. Then he moved onto his stationery and books, lining them all up on his desk neatly. Lastly, he put his laptop onto his desk. It was getting a bit old and ran rather slowly but it still worked so Kihyun wasn’t going to invest in a new one until he really needed it.

After finally finishing putting everything away, Kihyun heard the sound of a key turning in the lock and realised it must be his new roommate. His heart started beating faster - he was nervous to meet his roommate. He sat down on his bed and grabbed his phone, deciding playing around on it was better than sitting there creepily staring at the door as soon as his new roommate walked in. That probably wouldn’t leave the best first impression.

He was scrolling through an old conversation with Hyungwon to distract himself when the door finally opened (his roommate seemed to be struggling with the lock) and he looked up. He decided it was best to just get it over with and introduce himself straight away. “Hi, I’m your new room- Minhyuk?!”

Kihyun couldn’t believe what he was seeing. His ex best friend was going to be his new roommate for the next _year_?

Minhyuk looked just as shocked to see Kihyun as Kihyun felt about seeing him. The shock quickly turned to anger when it finally sunk in for Minhyuk. “You’ve got to be kidding me,” Minhyuk spat.

Kihyun scoffed. “As if I’m any happier about this.” Part of him had secretly hoped that Minhyuk would just leave their past behind them for the sake of them trying to get along, they were going to be roommates after all, but it seemed that wasn’t going to be the case.

Minhyuk, being the mature person he is, decided to completely ignore Kihyun and get started on putting his own stuff away. If Minhyuk wanted to ignore him then Kihyun was completely fine ignoring him back. They’d stopped getting along with each other almost two years ago and now just seemed to fight whenever they were around one another. Kihyun did his best to stay out of Minhyuk’s way whenever he possibly could - it was exhausting fighting with him all the time - but they had mutual friends so it wasn’t always the easiest. It was only bound to get even harder after becoming roommates. There was no way Kihyun would be able to avoid Minhyuk if he was sharing a room with him.

Minhyuk didn’t spend long putting some of his possessions away before he turned back to Kihyun. “I’m sure you’re well aware of how I feel about you, but I think we’ll have to try and be civil if we’re going to be sharing a room,” he said.

Kihyun held back his remark about how Minhyuk was the one who was rude to him first and nodded his head in agreement. “Any rules you want to set now?”

Minhyuk sat down on his bed so he was across from Kihyun. He thought for a moment before saying, “Don’t get home super late on weekdays because I want to focus on my classes this year so I need my sleep.”

“I agree with that one so you don’t have to worry about it. My only rule is don’t use my stuff without my permission. That bothers me so much.” Kihyun heard the sound indicating he received a text but decided to ignore it until he was done trying to sort their roommate situation out with Minhyuk.

“Not like I want to use your stuff anyway,” Minhyuk muttered.

Kihyun decided to pointedly ignore his comment. He was going to be mature even if Minhyuk wasn’t. “I’m going to make some tea. Want any?” Kihyun offered.

Minhyuk looked like he was going to make another comment but held back. “No, thank you,” he replied instead.

Kihyun nodded shortly and then escaped to the kitchen, making sure to grab his phone on the way.

He had a text from Hyungwon so he decided to get back to him while the kettle boiled.

**hyungwon  
** met your new roommate yet?

**kihyun  
** unfortunately  
have you?

**hyungwon  
** why unfortunately?  
and yeah he’s a super chill dude this year is gonna be great

**kihyun  
** i’m glad yours is gonna be great because mine’s gonna be shit

**hyungwon  
** he that bad already?

**kihyun  
** i’m with minhyuk.

**hyungwon  
** are you joking?  
that’s hilarious

**kihyun  
** i’m glad you find my suffering funny  
he’s already been rude to me multiple times  
think i can just drop out of uni now?

**hyungwon  
** minhyuk isn’t a bad guy  
he _was_ your best friend remember  
what even happened with you two, anyway?

**kihyun  
** as soon as we got to uni he decided to be an ass to me  
i never did anything wrong to him

**hyungwon  
** something tells me you did something wrong  
but you’re stubborn

**kihyun  
** ok so maybe i distanced myself for a bit  
but that didn’t give him the right to act the way he did

**hyungwon  
** not to be rude but you’re not exactly the nicest to him now either  
it’s awful to be stuck in the same room as the both of you  
remind me to never come over to visit your flat i’d rather suffocate

**kihyun  
** yeah i know i’m rude  
but it’s only because he started it  
i’m trying to be civil with him now for the sake of my sanity  
i don’t know how long it’ll last i can’t stand the guy

**hyungwon  
** i feel like there’s something that happened that you’re not telling me  
there’s no way you two went from being best friends to hating each others guts for no reason

**kihyun  
** …  
i had feelings for him ok  
so i decided to distance myself to get over him  
and then he started acting like a prick  
so it was pretty easy to get over him, actually

**hyungwon  
** this is wild  
yoo kihyun having feelings for another person?  
and that person being lee minhyuk?  
w i l d

**kihyun  
** shut up  
don’t tell anyone  
minhyuk never knew and i don’t want it getting back to him

**hyungwon  
** as much as i’d love to tell changkyun and jooheon purely to see the shock on their faces  
you don’t have to worry i won’t tell anyone  
you never told anyone about my crush so i wouldn’t tell anyone about your old crush  
even if it is hilarious to me

**kihyun  
** thanks, hyungwon  
speaking of your crush  
when are you asking changkyunnie out?

**hyungwon  
** ok i’m done with this conversation  
have fun with minhyuk

“You okay in here?” Minhyuk asked, making Kihyun jump. He hadn’t heard the other boy enter the kitchen at all.

“Yeah. I was just talking to Hyungwon,” he explained. Kihyun turned back to the kettle, reboiling the water as he knew it would’ve started to go cold with the amount of time he’d spent standing around.

Minhyuk shuffled around behind Kihyun. “He getting anywhere with Changkyunnie yet?”

Kihyun was surprised that Minhyuk knew about Hyungwon’s crush on Changkyun - it wasn’t like the two were particularly close. “He’s too afraid to ask him out even though it’s so obvious Changkyun likes him just as much. When did Hyungwon tell you?”

“He didn’t,” Minhyuk answered. “He’s just obvious. Everyone except him and Changkyun can see how much those two like each other.”

Kihyun hummed in agreement. The kettle whistled, indicating it was finally done boiling, so Kihyun made himself his tea. He turned back around, expecting Minhyuk to still be behind him but the other boy had somehow managed to slip out of the kitchen without Kihyun hearing him.

Kihyun decided to sit at the table and drink his tea. It seemed like Minhyuk didn’t want to be around him as much as possible so he figured it was better to just stay out of his way.

Having spoken to Hyungwon about the real story of what happened with Minhyuk brought up some unwanted feelings. As much as Kihyun claimed to hate Minhyuk, he knew he could never truly hate the other boy. Although they only ever fought now and Minhyuk seemed to truly hate Kihyun, Kihyun still missed when he and Minhyuk were best friends. It had been almost two years since they’d last had an actual friendly conversation and Kihyun missed it.

Kihyun sighed and finished off the last of his tea. He decided he might as well go back to the main room as he couldn’t hide out in their kitchen forever. He hadn’t been expecting to walk back into the room and find Minhyuk standing there shirtless. “Um,” Kihyun muttered dumbly. As much as he hated to admit it, Minhyuk had only gotten more attractive with age.

Minhyuk just stood there and raised an eyebrow. “We live together now. This is bound to happen.”

Kihyun nodded and hurried over to his bed. If only Minhyuk could just put a shirt back on. “Is there, uh, a reason you’re not wearing a shirt?” he asked, avoiding looking back up at Minhyuk. He knew his cheeks were on fire.

“Nope.”

Kihyun decided it was best to just ignore Minhyuk. He wasn’t sure what the other boy’s aim was but Kihyun didn’t want to get involved in it. Part of him wished Minhyuk would just immediately go back to being an ass to him as that was easier to deal with than talking to Minhyuk without every other sentence containing an insult.

 

* * *

Kihyun and Minhyuk had lasted about a week before they were back to arguing over everything. Kihyun started to believe he had jinxed it.

“Let me go in first!” Kihyun yelled.

Minhyuk refused to move from where he stood in front of the bathroom door. “No! If you wanted to get the bathroom first you should’ve woken up earlier.”

“You’re not even using the fucking bathroom!”

Minhyuk glared at Kihyun before turning around and running into the bathroom. He locked the door behind him. Kihyun banged on the door, trying to get Minhyuk to just open it and let him in. Minhyuk _knew_ that Kihyun had a class a whole hour earlier than he did so needed to get ready before him.

Minhyuk still wasn’t opening the door and Kihyun couldn’t hear the sound of the shower which meant Minhyuk was only in there to annoy Kihyun. He decided to try another tactic to get Minhyuk to come out and let him use the bathroom. “Minhyuk I’m going to piss myself if you don’t open the door!” Kihyun yelled.

“I don’t care!” Minhyuk yelled back.

“Do you want to leave the bathroom to piss-stained bed sheets? Don’t test me or I’ll do it,” Kihyun threatened. He obviously wasn’t going to do anything but he hoped Minhyuk would believe him.

Minhyuk, of course, didn’t believe Kihyun. He knew Kihyun too well to believe any of his bluffs. Kihyun heard the sound of the shower finally turning on and sighed. There was no way he was going to make it to his first class on time unless he wanted to go without showering and he was sure his classmates wouldn’t be the most appreciative of that. 

Kihyun wasn’t surprised that Minhyuk had pulled something like this but it didn’t make Kihyun any less angry or hurt him any less. He’d almost believed the two could start over and be friends again but Minhyuk had only confirmed that he still hated Kihyun enough to fuck with his uni life, too. 

**kihyun  
** i’m so mad hyungwon  
he’s made me late on purpose

**hyungwon  
** do you mean minhyuk?

**kihyun  
** who else would it be?

**hyungwon  
** it’s just weird  
from what i know minhyuk isn’t the type of person to purposefully sabotage someone’s academic life

**kihyun  
** i guess he just hates me that much

**hyungwon  
** i was told not to tell you this  
but i spoke to changkyun

**kihyun  
** did you finally ask him out?

**hyungwon  
** no  
now let me finish  
last time minhyuk and changkyun went to a party minhyuk got super drunk  
and he kept going on about you and how much he misses being your friend  
i think kyunnie was confused because he didn’t know you two were ever friends  
so he told me about it  
i don’t think he hates you, kihyun

**kihyun  
** there’s no way that happened  
changkyun must’ve misheard or something

**hyungwon  
** i think you’re both idiots  
you both miss each other but you think the other hates you

**kihyun  
** i don’t miss him  
i do hate him  
i want nothing to do with lee minhyuk

Kihyun shut his phone off, not in the mood for Hyungwon’s reply. Kihyun knew he was right about some things (like Kihyun missing Minhyuk) but he was stubborn and didn’t want to listen to Hyungwon. There was no way Minhyuk missed him so Kihyun couldn’t believe everything Hyungwon said. Minhyuk definitely hated him. 

Minhyuk finally walked out of the bathroom in only a towel and smirked at Kihyun. “Bathroom’s free,” he stated. 

Kihyun glared at him. “I’m already late but thanks, dickhead,” he spat. Kihyun didn’t want to see Minhyuk’s satisfied smirk anymore so he hurried into the bathroom and tried to get ready as quickly as he could manage. Even if he was going to be late he was still going to try to at least make it to the class. 

 

* * *

After the bathroom incident, Kihyun refused to even speak to Minhyuk. He forced himself to get up extra early each day so he’d have a chance to use the bathroom before Minhyuk even woke up to avoid a repeat of the same situation. It meant, however, that he was getting less sleep than he was used to so he was cranky permanently. 

His bad mood was starting to affect his friends as he kept snapping at them but he didn’t know what else he could do. He felt guilty, of course, but if he wanted nothing to do with Minhyuk this was his only option. 

Kihyun sat down at the lunch table with a groan. He was having an awful day and he wanted to make sure everyone understood that his day was awful. 

“What’s wrong?” Jooheon asked. He was always the first to start worrying about how Kihyun was doing. 

“I’m already failing a class and we’ve been at uni for like a month,” Kihyun explained. He was exaggerating slightly but Jooheon knew that Kihyun was a bit of a drama queen sometimes. 

Jooheon held out half of a cookie to Kihyun which he gladly accepted. “You’re too smart to be failing. What class is it?”

“Chemistry. I don’t even know why I’m taking chemistry on a photography degree but I hate it and it sucks.”

Jooheon hummed. “You can always ask Changkyun for some help? He’s way too good at sciences,” Jooheon suggested. 

Kihyun knew he could always ask for help if he needed to but he was stubborn and he _hated_ asking for help. He knew no one would judge him for needing help and Changkyun had always said he’d help Kihyun if he ever needed it but Kihyun didn’t feel like asking for help in the first month was something he’d ever do. If his class just kept getting more confusing then maybe he’d ask Changkyun if he could borrow his notes or something then. Maybe. 

Before Kihyun could even say anything in reply to Jooheon, the rest of their friend group turned up. Unfortunately for Kihyun that meant Minhyuk was also there. Changkyun and Hyungwon sat next to each other to Kihyun’s right and Hyunwoo and Hoseok decided to sit either side of Jooheon on the opposite side of the table, leaving the only free seat on Kihyun’s left.

He heard Minhyuk sit down but refused to acknowledge him. Minhyuk didn’t say anything to Kihyun which he was glad about but no one else was talking either and it was starting to get awkward.

Kihyun looked up to see Jooheon looking between him and Minhyuk. He looked too afraid to speak. Kihyun scoffed and decided he’d have to take this into his own hands.

“When’s your next performance?” he asked Jooheon.

Jooheon looked relieved that Kihyun had spoken first and enthusiastically replied. “I have one this weekend! You guys are all invited,” he addressed their whole group. Jooheon often did rap performances at the university’s fortnightly show where they allowed students to put on performances.

“Text me the date and time and I’ll definitely be there.” Kihyun hadn’t been to one of the performances in a while as they’d had their summer break so no one was at uni and he was looking forward to seeing Jooheon perform again. He was really talented and Kihyun always loved his performances. He’d considered doing a singing performance of his own a few times but he’d always chickened out.

From next to him, Kihyun heard a mutter of “I’m not going then.” He knew he should just ignore Minhyuk’s rude comments but he was just so _done_ with the other boy being so rude to him when he hadn’t even done anything wrong.

“What’s your problem?” he spat, turning to face Minhyuk.

Minhyuk laughed mockingly. “As if you don’t know.”

Kihyun was genuinely confused. He had no idea what he’d ever done to make Minhyuk hate him. “Enlighten me.”

“I don’t know, Kihyun, maybe ignoring your best friend as soon as you got to uni?” Minhyuk snapped.

“I never did that, Minhyuk. We still spoke and then one day you turned on me.”

Minhyuk had a murderous look in his eyes. Kihyun could tell he was holding back slightly as they were in public. “Well maybe I wanted my best fucking friend to stop making excuses to get out of doing anything with me. You didn’t give a shit about me so I stopped giving one about you.”

Minhyuk’s version of events were completely wrong, but Kihyun knew he wouldn’t be able to change Minhyuk’s mind about anything without exposing that he had feelings for Minhyuk. He figured that wasn’t the best thing to say in front of all their friends. “That’s not what happened, Min. Listen, why don’t we go somewhere else and talk about this?”

“Fuck off, Kihyun. There’s nothing to talk about. You’re an asshole and I want nothing to do with you.” He shoved his chair back, causing multiple people in the canteen to turn to look at their table. As Minhyuk stormed off, he turned back one last time and growled, “Never call me Min ever again.”

With Minhyuk gone, Kihyun focused his attention back on his friends. They all looked either shocked, uncomfortable or a mix of both. Only Hyungwon and Changkyun knew about his previous friendship with Minhyuk (unless Minhyuk had told any of the others about it which Kihyun doubted as Minhyuk seemed to despise him) so he was sure they were shocked about what had happened. “We used to be best friends, shit happened and now he hates me,” Kihyun explained simply. “I’m gonna go.” He grabbed his stuff and hurried away from the table.

Kihyun ran into the nearest bathroom and locked himself in the stall. He could feel the tears streaming down his face but he didn’t bother to wipe them away. He hated actually arguing with anyone, even Minhyuk, and that was the worst argument they’d had to date. Before Kihyun could start overthinking about what had gone so wrong, he heard his phone ping.

**hyungwon  
** want to talk about what the hell just happened?

**kihyun  
** he hates me so much, hyungwon  
and he’s got it all so wrong

**hyungwon  
** he thinks you replaced him with us when you got to uni

**kihyun  
** i didn’t

**hyungwon  
** i know you didn’t  
but he thinks you did  
i don’t think he hates you, either  
i think he assumes you hate him so he acts like an ass back

**kihyun  
** i could never hate him  
we were best friends for seven years  
i had a crush on him since i was fifteen  
he was my first everything  
how could i ever hate him?

**hyungwon  
** i didn’t need to know he was your first  
i could’ve gone my whole life without that information

**kihyun  
** i bet he regrets it all  
ever being friends with me  
maybe he never even liked me in the first place

**hyungwon  
** now’s not the time to start getting all insecure  
he said you were his best friend

**kihyun  
** he can still hate me now

**hyungwon  
** i swear kihyun  
he doesn’t hate you  
he misses you just as much as you miss him

**kihyun  
** i don’t miss him

**hyungwon  
** you miss him

**kihyun  
** yeah  
i do  
i really do

**hyungwon  
** you know you two can get this sorted, right?

**kihyun  
** i doubt he’ll ever speak to me again after that

**hyungwon  
** he might need some time to cool off but it doesn’t mean it can’t be fixed  
now do i need to come and collect you from the bathroom

**kihyun  
** i’m not in the bathroom

**hyungwon  
** kihyun i know you  
and i know you’re hiding in the bathroom crying right now

**kihyun  
** fine  
you can come  
is it ok if i stay at yours for a few days  
i don’t think i can go back to my room until minhyuk’s calmed down  
or maybe ever again

**hyungwon  
** yeah you can stay at mine  
i’m not cuddling you, though  
stay on your own side this time, yoo

 

* * *

Kihyun managed to successfully avoid Minhyuk for a few days. He’d been staying in Hyungwon’s room the whole time but Kihyun started to feel like he was intruding so he decided he’d go back to his room on the Friday morning. Minhyuk had an 8am class on Friday mornings and was then out for the entire day as he had a busy schedule whereas Kihyun only had one class during the middle of the day so he could stay in their flat and relax for the rest of the time without worrying about having to see Minhyuk. 

As he predicted, Minhyuk was already out of the flat by the time Kihyun got there. He decided he’d take a long, warm shower and then relax by watching some Netflix before he headed off to his only class that day. Unfortunately it was a chemistry class and Kihyun had really started to hate chemistry. 

Kihyun was leaving to go to his class when he realised he’d left his textbook behind and had to rush back to get it. This, in turn, made him have to rush across campus to make it in time for his class. He was completely worn out by the time he finally sat down in his seat. Some of his classmates gave him weird looks for breathing so heavily but he just ignored them.

They’d had a surprise test earlier in the week which Kihyun had almost forgotten that he’d even taken. He’d done his best on it but he wasn’t really understanding the concepts very well (he really should’ve stopped being stubborn and just asked Changkyun for help) so he didn’t think he’d done very well at all. Maybe a C at best. 

“The test average was a lot lower than I expected so we’ll be going through the test today,” his teacher explained as she handed tests back to the students. 

Kihyun was nervous to get his test back as he knew he wouldn’t have a good grade. As someone who had gotten good grades throughout his entire life, a bad grade made Kihyun feel really bad about himself. She handed Kihyun his test back upside down so he decided he’d sit through the class and take notes on everything and check his grade later on. He knew he wouldn’t be able to focus properly in class knowing how badly he’d done. 

His teacher started going through the answers to the questions and Kihyun felt completely lost even with the answers being explained to him. He slipped his phone out of his pocket and decided he’d finally ask for the help he needed. 

**kihyun  
** hey changkyunnie  
can you help me with chemistry, please?

**changkyun  
** sure!  
what don’t you understand?

**kihyun  
** like… everything

**changkyun  
** it’s ok we can do tutoring sessions!  
it’ll be fun!

**kihyun  
** i’m not sure chemistry can ever be fun  
but thank you, changkyunnie

**changkyun  
** no problem :D

With his tutoring now sorted, Kihyun finally felt brave enough to turn over his test paper and check his grade. As soon as he did he regretted it because on the front of his paper was a big red F. It looked as if it was mocking him. 

Kihyun could feel himself starting to panic. He’d expected a bad grade, yes, but he hadn’t been expecting one so bad. He didn’t think he’d ever gotten an F before in his life - he always got consistent A grades. 

His teacher decided to give the class a five minute break so Kihyun ran out of the room and back to his flat while trying to not start crying. As soon as he was safe and back in his flat and collapsed on the floor, curling himself up into a ball. His breathing was shallow and it felt like the whole room was spinning. He couldn’t see properly through the tears in his eyes and he could feel his whole body shaking violently. 

Kihyun was so focused on trying to breathe properly he didn’t hear the door open. He didn’t realise anyone else was even in the room until he heard someone speaking to him. He could hear his name being spoken but he couldn’t make out who the voice belonged to.

“Kihyun, is it ok if I touch you?” the voice asked. He still wasn’t sure who it was - his vision was completely blurred from the tears and his mind felt too fuzzy to make out who the voice belonged to - but he nodded anyway.

Gently, the person moved Kihyun so he was leaning into their chest and they wrapped their arms around him protectively. “Breathe with me, okay?”

Kihyun did his best to follow along with their breathing. Slowly, he could feel his heart rate start to slow down again and it finally felt like he could breathe properly again. Embarrassed, he buried his face into the person’s chest. Only one person had ever witnessed him having panic attacks before so he was embarrassed that someone else had had to witness it. He was too exhausted to move so he just stayed there, trying to hide himself away.

“Are you okay?”

Kihyun furrowed his brows. That voice was extremely familiar but also the last voice he’d expect to be asking whether he was okay. Cautiously, Kihyun moved back so he could look up. “Minhyuk?”

Minhyuk smiled down at him. “I’m sorry, I know you don’t like me, but I couldn’t just leave you having a panic attack. I had to do something.”

“I don’t hate you, Min,” Kihyun whispered. He knew that wasn’t the point of what they were talking about but he knew he had to say it now.

Minhyuk looked shocked, as Kihyun had expected. “Before we talk about that, do you want to tell me what that was about? I haven’t seen you have a panic attack that bad since you- yeah.”

Kihyun knew Minhyuk was referring to the time he came out to his parents. It hadn’t gone the best so he tried to forget that had ever happened. “I’m not even sure. It hasn’t been the best time at the moment because, well, you know what happened.” He giggled nervously, hoping Minhyuk would realise what he was referring to. “I got my chemistry test back earlier and I got an F and I don’t think I’ve ever gotten an F in my life so I just sorta panicked.”

Minhyuk smiled sadly at him. “I’m sorry for blowing up at you. I was worried about what had happened to you but Hyungwon told me you were at his. Also, it’s just one test and you can always ask Changkyunnie for help with chemistry. He’s the only reason I passed it.”

“You don’t have to apologise or pretend you don’t hate me just because I had a panic attack, Min.”

“I’ve never hated you. I thought _you_ hated _me,_ ” he said.

Kihyun thought back to what Hyungwon had said a few weeks about both of them believing the other hated them when really neither did. He’d never tell Hyungwon he was right all along. “I could never hate you.”

“Then why did you do it?”

Kihyun looked down, embarrassed. He didn’t want to talk to Minhyuk about his feelings but he knew he deserved to know the truth. “I was in love with you, dummy. I thought some space would be good but it was the worst decision I ever made. I never meant to hurt you,” he admitted.

It was silent for a few moments before Kihyun felt a hand grab his. “We’re both dummies.” Minhyuk started giggling and Kihyun looked up, trying to figure out what was so funny. “I thought you found out that I was in love with you and decided you didn’t want to be friends anymore.”

“Wait, what?”

“Yeah, I loved you, too, asshole.” Minhyuk looked far too calm to be talking about the subject of love.

Deciding he might as well take the risk, Kihyun asked, “Can we try again?”

“Friends first?” Minhyuk suggested.

“Friends is good.”

 

* * *

In their attempt to be friends again, Kihyun and Minhyuk decided to go and get some lunch together the next day in the cafeteria that they usually went to when they met up as a full group.

“This pizza is _amazing_ ,” Minhyuk said through a mouthful of said pizza.

Kihyun turned his nose up. “Gross.”

Minhyuk glared at him before they both burst into laughter. Kihyun wasn’t sure what he was really laughing at and he didn’t think Minhyuk did either. They were just both really happy. Kihyun felt a lot better knowing he was friends with Minhyuk again. He hadn’t realised how much he’d truly missed the boy until they’d gone back to talking normally.

Kihyun heard his phone go off so pulled it out to check it.

**jooheon  
** hey, you doing anything?

**kihyun  
** just eating lunch right now

**jooheon  
** usual place?

**kihyun  
** yeah

**jooheon  
** ok be there in a second

Kihyun pocketed his phone again, not thinking much of it. He was sure Minhyuk wouldn’t mind if Jooheon or any of their other friends decided to come and join them.

“Kihyun, do you want to try my pizza?” Minhyuk asked, already holding out one of the slices towards Kihyun.

Instead of answering, Kihyun leant in and took a bite out of the slice. At that exact moment, something clattered to the floor behind Kihyun and he heard a whisper of “what the fuck”.

Kihyun turned around to see Jooheon and Hyungwon standing there, both looking extremely shocked. There was a tray on the floor in front of Jooheon and Kihyun figured that must’ve been what had made the noise.

“Close your mouth or you’ll start catching flies in it,” Minhyuk commented, shaking Jooheon out of his frozen state.

“What the fuck is going on here?” Hyungwon asked.

Kihyun realised he’d failed to mention that he and Minhyuk were friends again and obviously Minhyuk hadn’t either. When the last time their friends had seen them together they’d been yelling at one another, Kihyun guessed they were surprised to see the two boys getting along. Not even getting along, Minhyuk had been _feeding_ him.

“We’re dating,” Minhyuk deadpanned. He sounded so serious that even Kihyun would’ve believed him if he didn’t know it was a lie.

“Wow, Kihyun, you finally pulled your head out of your ass and told him how you feel?” Hyungwon joked.

Kihyun felt himself turn bright red. “We’re not actually dating, dickhead. Thanks for that one, though.”

That only made Hyungwon laugh even harder. “Oops?”

“If it makes you feel any better, Minhyuk’s been pining after your ass for years now,” Jooheon said, earning him a smack over the head from Minhyuk. “Hey! It’s not my fault you’re thirsty.”

Minhyuk glared at Jooheon. “I am _not._ ”

“Min, you’ve always been thirsty. Do you not remember the first time we got drunk and you wouldn’t stop saying you wanted to suck our teach-” Kihyun was cut off by a hand being slapped over his mouth.

“You’re gonna stop right there, Yoo Kihyun, or I’ll tell them about how shit you were the first time.”

Jooheon choked on the chip he’d stolen off Hyungwon’s plate.

“Fuck you. At least I knew what lube was unlike _someone.”_

Jooheon looked confused. “Did you two start hating each other because you broke up?”

“We never dated,” Kihyun answered.

“But you-” Jooheon cut himself off.

“We were just best friends. I just trusted Kihyun more than anyone else and also happened to be in love with him so I took what I could get. He was also my first kiss, actually.” Minhyuk looked down shyly. He’d never told Kihyun that before.

Kihyun tugged on Minhyuk’s hand to get him to look up again. He gave him a reassuring smile before turning back to Jooheon. “It was the same for me. I didn’t want to tell Min I was in love with him because I was afraid of ruining our friendship. Being best friends was enough for me.”

“So you never dated, just fucked around with each other?”

“Basically, yeah,” Minhyuk clarified. “I wasn’t going to pass up any opportunities when Kihyun has a _really_ b-”

“Nope, no more, stop this now,” Hyungwon interrupted, not wanting to listen to the conversation anymore. “You two are already the worst only being friends. I dread the day you start dating. Now, as _lovely_ as it is to hear about your past, can one of you explain what the fuck happened between the last time we spoke and today?”

Minhyuk shrugged. “We talked about stuff and realised we’re both idiots.”

“I can’t disagree with you there,” Hyungwon replied.

 

* * *

Being friends with Minhyuk again was not much different than it was before. They still bickered all the time but it wasn’t malicious like it had been before. Minhyuk still teased Kihyun but Kihyun didn’t take offence from it. It was different but it was the same.

“There’s a party at Hyunwoo and Hoseok’s place tonight. Wanna go with me?” Minhyuk asked while folding some of his clothes that he’d just finished washing.

“Sure,” Kihyun agreed easily. He hadn’t been to a party in a while so it was about time that he went to another one.

“Aw~ Our first date is to a party together,” Minhyuk joked.

Kihyun rolled his eyes even though Minhyuk had his back to him. Minhyuk had always been one to joke about them being together - he’d done it very often when they’d been friends in school - but Kihyun couldn’t help but wonder how much truth there was to it. Even though Minhyuk had had feelings for Kihyun a few years ago it didn’t mean that he still felt the same way now.

Kihyun couldn’t say for sure whether he was still in love with Minhyuk but he definitely still had some feelings for him. He suppressed them as much as possible, not wanting to complicate their friendship any further. They had only just become friends again, after all. He knew that if Minhyuk let him, he’d give his whole heart to him.

After finishing folding his laundry, Minhyuk turned to face Kihyun. “Can I do your makeup? I promise I’ll make you look hot as fuck. I mean, you already are but I won’t make you ugly.”

Kihyun felt the heat rise to his cheeks. “If you put glitter on me again I’ll murder you.”

“Some people like the Edward Cullen look!” Minhyuk defended.

Kihyun stared blankly.

“Fine, fine.” Minhyuk held his hands up in surrender. “I won’t put any glitter on you.”

 

* * *

When Kihyun got back to their flat in the afternoon after doing some grocery shopping, he found Minhyuk’s desk covered in all his makeup products. Minhyuk was nowhere to be seen so Kihyun assumed he was in the bathroom.

He carried his bags into the kitchen only to almost drop them when he was met with Minhyuk standing in there in only a towel. “You almost gave me a heart attack,” he complained after he calmed down slightly.

“Oh, oops. I didn’t think you’d be back yet.”

Kihyun faced the cupboards, trying to stop himself from looking at Minhyuk. It was unfair that he somehow _always_ managed to look so good. The fact that he was only wearing a towel really wasn’t helping Kihyun’s gay panic, either. “I hate shopping so I always do it as quickly as possible.”

“That doesn’t surprise me.” Kihyun heard the door squeak meaning Minhyuk must be leaving the kitchen. “I’m going to go get changed so you might want to stay in here for a bit. Not that there’s anything you haven’t seen before.”

Kihyun didn’t reply. He waited until he heard the door click shut and then grabbed his phone out of his pocket.

**kihyun  
** help  
sos  
emergency

**hyungwon  
** are you dying  
fucking finally

**kihyun  
** i hate you  
why am i friends with you

**hyungwon  
** my good looks and lovely personality  
now why is there an emergency

**kihyun  
** minhyuk  
i am in gay panic mode

**hyungwon  
** you’re in gay panic mode every time he breathes

**kihyun  
** hyungwon you don’t understand  
i walked in and he’s only in a towel  
i cannot deal with this

**hyungwon  
** i don’t see the reason for panic

**kihyun  
** imagine you got home from shopping  
and changkyun was standing there  
in only a towel

**hyungwon  
** i understand the reason for panic

**kihyun  
** thank you  
now help

**hyungwon  
** i don’t know how you expect me to help  
would you like me to arrive and rescue you  
i can be your knight in shining armour

**kihyun  
** just give me a distraction asshole  
i need to think about anything but minhyuk right now

**hyungwon  
** changkyun asked me on a date

**kihyun  
** HE DID WHAT

**hyungwon  
** yeah to the party together  
how romantic  
we’re also going with jooheon

**kihyun  
** you fucking asshole  
i thought he actually did it

**hyungwon  
** i doubt that’s ever happening  
i’m like 90% sure he has a girlfriend

**kihyun  
** hyungwon  
changkyun is gay  
he doesn’t have a girlfriend

**hyungwon  
** you never know

**kihyun  
** he likes you hyungwon  
even minhyuk thinks so  
and he’s a lot closer to changkyun than i am

**hyungwon  
** i don’t trust minhyuk’s opinion  
he thinks you’re an attractive person

**kihyun  
** every day  
i regret my decision to ever be friends with you

**hyungwon  
** you wouldn’t survive without me  
who else would you gay panic to

**kihyun  
** i can gay panic to jooheon or changkyun  
or even hyunwoo and hoseok  
i have many friends  
and they’re all better than you

**hyungwon  
** you say that  
yet here you are  
talking to me and not them

**kihyun  
** i’m blocking you

**hyungwon  
** go ahead tiny

Before Kihyun could reply, he heard Minhyuk call, “You can come in now!”

Minhyuk was, thankfully, fully clothed when Kihyun entered their room again. Minhyuk was waiting by his desk. “Welcome to Minhyuk’s Beauty Clinic,” he said, pointing to his desk chair. 

Kihyun rolled his eyes but sat down anyway. He scanned over Minhyuk’s selection of makeup on his desk and noticed something. “I thought we agreed no glitter.”

“That’s for me,” Minhyuk explained. 

Feeling much better knowing that Minhyuk wasn’t going to cover him in glitter, Kihyun relaxed into the chair and let Minhyuk do his thing. Kihyun had had his makeup done by Minhyuk more than enough times to know that he was going to make Kihyun look amazing. 

The feeling of the brush on his skin always tickled him at first but he did his best to stay still, not wanting to interrupt Minhyuk. 

It didn’t take long before Minhyuk announced that he was finished. He moved out of the way so Kihyun could get up and go to the bathroom to check in the mirror. Kihyun was shocked to see how amazing Minhyuk had made him look. 

“How do you even do this?” Kihyun wondered.

“I’m a talented man.”

“That you are.”

 

* * *

The best way Kihyun could describe how Minhyuk looked was that he looked _fucking fine_. After he’d finished doing Kihyun’s makeup he’d gone on to do his own and although Kihyun was more than aware of how talented Minhyuk was, he was still shocked by how beautiful the other boy looked. He’d barely stopped himself from drooling right then and there.

They’d arrived to the party kind of early to help Hyunwoo and Hoseok set up. Minhyuk had been helping set everything up like they’d turned up to do but Kihyun was being rather useless.

“Hey, Kihyun, why are you just standing there?” Minhyuk asked from across the room.

“I’m busy,” Kihyun replied, continuing to stand there doing absolutely nothing.

Minhyuk stared at him before turning back to the food he’d been preparing before.

Kihyun thought he was safe to continue his very important job of staring at Minhyuk’s ass while he worked (it’s not Kihyun’s fault Minhyuk had picked his tightest trousers to wear) but Hyungwon wasn’t letting him have it. “He’s too busy drooling over your ass to do anything else,” Hyungwon called out to Minhyuk.

Changkyun was giggling beside Hyungwon.

Unfortunately for Kihyun, Minhyuk loved to make his life even more of a living hell than Hyungwon did. “I already knew he loved my ass. There was this one time he was praising it so much while he-”

“So!” Kihyun yelled. “Who wants to get started drinking because I’m going to whether anyone joins me or not.”

Changkyun was still giggling in the corner but stood up anyway and walked over to the drinks table. He held up a drink and said, “A toast to Kihyun’s thirsty ass.” Hyungwon doubled over in laughter while Kihyun turned a bright shade of red.

“I hate you all.” He downed a shot of vodka before stomping out into the living room where the others were. 

Hoseok smirked at him. “We overheard you’ve been thirsting.”

Kihyun groaned. All of his friends were awful. He really needed new ones. “I’m not thirsty. I hate you all.”

“It’s okay, Kihyun,” Hyunwoo said seriously, putting his hand on Kihyun’s shoulder.Kihyun smiled at him. He could always count on Hyunwoo to be nice to him even if the rest of his friends _sucked_. “This is a no judgement zone, thirst all you want,” he continued and Kihyun’s smile dropped.

“I need more vodka,” he whined.

 

* * *

Kihyun had only gotten a little bit drunk. Well, maybe more than a little, but that was irrelevant. 

When other people had started turning up, Kihyun had ended up losing track of his friends. He was sure he’d seen Hyungwon walk past him at one point - it was hard to miss Hyungwon with how tall he was, after all - but he couldn’t be sure whether it was actually Hyungwon or not.

He decided he was going to go and find one of his friends. That was probably the smartest idea. He’d been sitting in the kitchen alone for far too long. Some people he recognised had come to talk to him at some points, but he’d not been the best for conversation in the state he was in. He had had a nice chat with Yoongi and got to catch up with him. That was until his boyfriend, Jeongguk, had come and stolen him away so Kihyun had ended up alone again.

Kihyun stumbled out of the kitchen and into the living room where more people were. The room was crowded but he managed to spot Hoseok standing against one of the walls.

Pushing past all of the people dancing in the middle of the room, Kihyun made his way over to Hoseok. “Hi,” he said when he was close enough that Hoseok would be able to hear him.

“Hey, Kihyun,” Hoseok greeted. “Where have you been? Minhyuk’s been looking for you everywhere.”

“I was in the kitchen.” Kihyun was proud that he was managing to talk fairly well without slurring his words together considering how much he’d had to drink. “Where is my Minmin?”

Hoseok giggled a bit at Kihyun’s choice of name. “Last I saw him he was out in the hall with Changkyunnie.”

Kihyun nodded and turned away from Hoseok to go and look for Minhyuk.

He found Minhyuk where Hoseok had said he’d last seen him - out in the hallway. He stared, confused as to what he was really looking at. He found Minhyuk in an interesting situation. He had his arms out trapping a person between him and the wall and they were standing pretty close together. As Kihyun got closer, he confirmed it was definitely Minhyuk he could see but he still couldn’t make out the person he had trapped against the wall. 

Normally, Kihyun wasn’t a jealous person. Drunk Kihyun, however, was extremely jealous that _his_ Minhyuk was, in Kihyun’s mind, far too close to another guy. He made his way over to Minhyuk and heavily slapped his hand onto the other’s shoulder. “Heeeey, Minmin!” He turned to look at the other person and finally identified him as Changkyun which confused him. Didn’t Changkyun like Hyungwon? Why was he over here getting close to Minhyuk? “Hi, Changkyunnie.”

“Are you okay, Kihyun?” Changkyun asked. “Your breath stinks of alcohol.”

Kihyun giggled. “I’m perfect. Now if you’ll excuse me I need to talk to my Minmin. Bye!” Kihyun grabbed Minhyuk’s wrist and pulled him out to the garden where there were far less people around. 

“Kihyun, what’s going on?” Minhyuk asked. “You’re acting really weird.”

Kihyun pouted. “You were too close to Changkyunnie.”

Minhyuk laughed, finally understanding what was going on. “I forgot you get jealous when you’re drunk.”

“I’m not jealous. Just want your attention,” he whined. 

Minhyuk took a step closer to Kihyun. “You have all of my attention, now,” he whispered. 

Kihyun looked up at Minhyuk. Minhyuk was staring at him intensely but he noticed his eyes flicker down to his lips. Kihyun leaned in close and whispered, “I like you, Min.”

Minhyuk smirked. “It’s a good job I like you too, then, isn’t it?” He didn’t give Kihyun a chance to react before he was leaning in to kiss Kihyun. Kihyun gripped onto the front of Minhyuk’s shirt, trying to steady himself before soft lips touched his own. 

Seconds later, they were interrupted with a yell of, “Changkyunnie’s doing body shots off Hyungwon!”

Kihyun felt Minhyuk pull back and was slightly disappointed, but he understood why. He also wanted to witness the body shots. “We have to go see this,” Minhyuk said, lacing his fingers with Kihyun and heading back inside.

Even though he was disappointed that their kiss hadn’t lasted longer, Kihyun felt happy knowing that Minhyuk did in fact like him back. A few weeks ago he would’ve never thought he’d have been glad that Lee Minhyuk was his roommate, but now he wanted to thank whoever decided to room them together.

Kihyun smiled to himself. He finally had his best friend and soulmate back. 

**Author's Note:**

> kudos & comments appreciated!


End file.
